Love, it hurts but it’s the only thing I have to remind myself of you. How I used to look into your eyes and feel like there was no one else in the world other than us caught in a moment. The way that when you would hold my hand or touch my skin on anypart of my body it felt like you was coursing through my veins and taking over my whole being. I loved the beauty in your smile as it always seemed so true and ernest and could cheer me up no matter what. So many thing’s I miss your hair, your kiss, your hugs, your stretchmarks, your hands, your words, your voice, your skin, your touch, even your feet. I miss every inch, every micro organism of you. Without you I feel this ache in my chest whenever I think of you, I try to forget you but as soon as I get close my heart pounds through my chest like it’s trying to escape and re-connect with you. I never believed in finding that one person until I found you by fate one night, and then our first date when we connected instantly and talked and talked for hours on end just sat in a car. I used to look forward to waking up and talking to you and I loved that you would be my last thought before I went to sleep. 2 years down the line and without you I still don’t feel complete, but I dont expect you to be here as I understand you put up with a lot from me from issues I was having at home. People say that you take thing’s out on people you love the most and this is what I done unknowingly and pushed you away. I didn’t think we where what I wanted. I see now that I felt like I didn’t deserve you and I wasn’t worthy, I felt like I didn’t deserve the love, happiness and respect you gave me as it was the first time I’d experienced anything that pure and it scared me. I am so undoubtedly sorry but to scared to tell you. Most of all I am too scared to tell you I love you.
Haven’t blogged for a long time, but it’s good for when you need to get something off your chest, and here I am laying out my cards on the table. I don’t do relationships and I let myself see one guy and now thing’s a f**ked up, I’m a little hurt inside cos I feel like I’m being used and don’t know what to do. This is why I stay single, so I don’t get hurt. I’ve been messed around too many times and now I sound like some depressive blogger, I’m not but just as I said need to get this weight off my shoulders cos you let someone in and you get hurt.
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